Black Friday Tips - LOL

1. GET UP EARLY AND WAIT OUTSIDE YOUR STORE OF CHOICE AT LEAST 5 HOURS BEFORE OPENING. Sure, getting up early and waiting in the cold isn't an ideal situation, but most stores only stock a VERY limited supply of the best deals, so the rewards go to those who get in line first. Remember, the better the deal, the less quantity they will stock.

2. Be a jerk. Being a nice, polite shopper will get you trampled on Black Friday. When all else fails, become unruly, it might take a little elbow bumping to grab that last LCD TV, but hey, that $20 savings is worth it, right? As soon as those doors open people will go rushing in, so be prepared to argue over items, take other people's baskets, and verbally abuse other people to get what you want.

3. Count on store employees helping you. Retail employees who have to work Black Friday are the most happy employees in the world. Everyone is fighting for the attention of the store employees, so one more won't hurt. Once you get one of them to help you, demand they only pay attention to you and start yelling obscenities if they attempt to help anyone else. You waited long enough to talk to them, it's your right!

4. Find out which stores match competitors’ prices. It helps to bring along the ad when you shop so that you can prove the item is on sale somewhere else at a reduced price. Many employees have no problem dropping what they are doing so that they can verify the item at the competitor and tie up a register while they change the price for you.

5. At the end of your shopping adventure remember: Lines are not important, you are! So when you see a line for checkout, feel free to jump in the front. Everyone else will understand, and if not, see Tip #2.

My Take on Retail: Part 1 - LOL

Want a job where you are disrespected and made to do menial tasks? Do you like thanking random jerks for making your day miserable? Retail may be just the job for you! Why?

I started working retail over six years ago and I love it! The customer service experience is great! Many of them treat me poorly and act like they too superior to even listen to me when I ask them if they need assistance. They litter the stores, ask stupid questions, mess up displays, moan about service, etc. Many of these customers need the staff to fawn over them, apologize for things that are not our fault, and expect a bright cheery smile and "Thank you!" for shopping at the store. It's very fulfilling to be so needed!

And what really makes any retail experience enjoyable is your co-workers. They are very helpful pointing out when I'm not being polite enough to customers or that my sales are inadequate. It's great to have constant reminders that I'm not doing my job well enough!

The money is excellent too! On a retail salary, I can not afford to pay for my bills, rent, or food alone. I feel a sense of pride and accomplishment when I step into Wal-Mart and cash my .04 checks.

And talk about a future! Why would you want to be an office administrative assistant that makes more than a store manager? It's a sound investment to take the best years of your life to fully devote yourself to a company that will throw you away in a heartbeat.

Retail is the place to be! If you haven't already gotten yourself a dead-end job, I say go for it! It's everything I dreamed it would be...and more.

Pranks at Work - LOL

∆ Click the name of the post to go to the site. ∆

I stumbled across this website thanks to random facebook advertisements and thought I would share. It gave me a few laughs today when I needed them. I found this one in particular extremely funny:

Staples Disco - LOL

Mother Nature and I have come to an agreement. When I step outside it rains. Well, I guess it's not really much of an agreement so much as an understanding on my part that I'm going to get rained on, but nonetheless, it's actually pretty humorous and tends to make for interesting stories.

Today at work, it was much of the same - torrential downpours from my chaperones in the sky...until Mother Nature upped her game and decided to throw me a power outage too. Now I'm not sure if this was a gift or a curse, but either way, it was fun. The lights (and everything else - except the phone lines) faded into silence and darkness, until a few minutes later we were bathed in flashing beams of hope. Turns out, there was JUST enough power left for the lights to cause seizures, but not for the air-conditioning or computers. So there we were. An impromptu party at Club Staples. And it was a genuine club experience too...flashing lights, awkward silences, long lines, impatient people, and uncomfortable heat. Who could ask for anything more?

LOL.

FAQ

So...here it is..the day-to-day adventures of ME.

For your convenience (and my boredom), I've created a FAQ.

(Considering no one has actually asked me any questions yet, I'm using the term 'frequently' VERY loosely, but for shits and giggles I'll just try to anticipate your future questions.)

"What makes you so special that I would want to read YOUR blog?"

Good question! The answer is...you're here. I don't know what brought you here, but yet here you are. So, you might as well read it.

"Why the name 'LOL. WTF. FML.'?"

Yet another great question! Well, it occurred to me that anything that would be interesting enough to write about in a blog entry would fall under a LOL, WTF, or FML title. If you need clarification on these acronyms, please...GTFO.

"Who are you?"

Wow. Very deep question...I'm quite impressed. I think the real question here is who are YOU and why are you asking so many questions???

"Do you have a Facebook/Twitter/(insert other social networking resource here)?"

Yes. And if you don't have it yet, there's probably a reason...but then again, I may just be ignorant of your awesomeness. Feel free to show me how cool you are, and you'll probably get an invite.

"kan u snd me nkd pix cuz i thnk ur hott?"

Sure! Feel free to send me your full name, address, social security number, and valid credit card information and I'll get those right out to you.

I hope this list was a helpful introduction. I certainly enjoyed it. Now, on with the show that is my life!