Only 10...ish Minutes Late - FML

When I say 10ish, it's probably more like 30, but who's counting? Other than the time clock of course.

When things happen to me, it's not just an instance, it's a production. Today I was scheduled to be at work at 9:00 so last night I set my alarm on my phone to 7:30 to give myself PLENTY of time.

Of course, being the heavy sleeper I am, when fire engines and EMS vehicles began blaring their sirens on a nearby road at around 4:00, I found it slightly difficult to go back to sleep. Once I finally began to re-enter dreamland however, I awoke to a falling sensation. As I hit the floor and became extremely confused at my predicament, I realized that I had simply rolled too far...which is something I haven't done in quite some time.

Bruised and tired, I crawled back into bed and attempted to ignore the blatant snoring from my adorable, yet obnoxiously loud, puppy dog to no avail. After a few strong nudges, she changed her position and it was mostly quiet again, although by then it was after 5:30. Worried that I wouldn't be able to wake up to my alarm, I set an additional one at 7:20 and put my phone right beside me on the bed...the only issue being that when I laid it face down beside me I was unaware that it was still "on" and depleting my battery life significantly.

When I finally woke up again I went to check my phone to see what time it was and...of course, it was dead. After plugging it in to charge I saw that it was 8:35, so I began to scramble to get ready. I found my clothes for work relatively quickly...almost as quickly as it took the toothpaste to find them. So, while trying to find another shirt, Ayla began whining and I realized I still needed to take her out.

I found the leash, grabbed my keys, and went to the door. As I went to open the door, the doorknob came off in my hand...you'd think it would be easy to put a doorknob back on, but under the circumstances, I was having a difficult time. After attempting to pry the door open with my hands and having no success, I again went back to the task of trying to reattach the knob. I finally managed to open the door and out went Ayla...with no leash to restrain her.

As Ayla exited the apartment she saw something that obviously interested her and went full speed towards what appeared to be a barking rat. Luckily the other dog was close to the elevator so I was able to yell enough that Ayla decided it wasn't worth the chase. After having to coax her back the put the leash on we finally went downstairs.

After her bathroom trip we went to go back inside and I realized I had brought the wrong keys. I have two sets, so it was bound to happen someday...just WHY was that day today? And to top it off, I realized I had the wrong set as I removed my foot from a previous lawn visitor's deposit.

My pride was barely in tact as I walked up to the doors smelling like poop and pleading through the glass to the lady at the concierge counter let me in the lobby. Thankfully during my haste in taking Ayla outside, the door to the apartment hadn't closed entirely, so I WAS able to open it and get back inside. That was the highlight of my day. As I went to leave, the doorknob came off in my hand again. *sigh*

As I walked to where the car was parked, I kept scraping the bottom of my shoes hoping to get the bowel residue off...then I saw where it ACTUALLY was. It was on my pants...and scraping my shoes was just grinding it in further. I used some old coffee, that had been in the cup holder for days, to "wash" my pants of the odor. Turns out, a little more thought should be required before I'm allowed to operate a cup of old coffee.

On the drive to work there were two, yes, two accidents...and I seemed to hit every light on the way.

As I hobbled into work, still in pain from my prior endeavors with mother nature, I had no idea what I should say. "Sorry" just didn't seem adequate enough, yet, that was all I felt I could produce. No excuses. But, as I tried to log in, I found that I was still logged in from the prior day (when power went out), so I hoped that I could just dodge logging in alltogether and once they found the error they would just fix it...no such luck.

I saw the district manager and managers from other stores coming out of the break room. Turns out today was a visiting day. FML.